Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Travel Guide

With more than seven-eighths of its territory covered by the Fanfara desert, the Fanfara is Follyland's most difficult to ignore feature and is drawing increasing numbers of easily-fooled tourists. Several flights operate from Astroblema, the capital, to Kerfuffle as well as to smaller towns, oases and oil settlements.

PRACTICAL INFORMATION

Time Zone: GMT + 1.

Getting There: It will take you approximately the same time and price whether you decide to get here by air, road or sea. So just come over.

Passport/Visa: Everyone (even babies, children and pets) is required to have 3 passports, at least one of which must be valid, and up to 5 valid visas. The more visas you have the better your chances of setting foot on Follyland, as the number of valid visas you can collect is an indication of how committed a tourist you are.

Type of Visas: There is only one type, but it's a hell of a type; really pretty and colourful.

Validity: Depends on how long you intend to stay. Generally, if you request a 30-day Visa, you will get a 15-day one and vice versa. As a rule of thumb, the longer you wish to stay, the shorter the validity of your Visa will be.

Currency: Zealot (ZLT) = 100 follies. Notes are in denominations of ZLT1,000, 500, 200, 100 and 50. Coins are in denominations of ZLT100, 50, 20, 10, 5, 2 and 1.

Currency Exchange: Available through any dealer. In general, you can get a good exchange rate from dealers dealing illegally. The authorities turn a blind eye on them because they are making things an awful lot easier for everyone. So although it would be illegal to exchange currency that way, it is totally risk-free and profitable.

Credit/Debit Cards and ATMs: They had to be phased out as the machines kept swallowing them. So, no, they are generally not accepted. If you find somewhere where they are accepted, it is most likely that they're after some dodgy fraud trick.

Prohibited Imports: Anything that the customs deem inappropriate (for example objects with a clear debauched purpose).

Prohibited Exports: Have a word with the customs, in general they're nice chaps, but try not to irritate them too much. They've been asking for more comfortable uniforms as the current ones make them sweat too much. But so far their requests have been ignored. So they take it all on clueless tourists.

Public Holidays: Follylanders work 1 day of the week. The rest are public holidays.

Accommodation: You can sleep anywhere, but you have to disguise yourselves as locals to avoid sticking out too much. Just less hassle.

Electricity: Yes we have it, no worries there.

Photography: No photos are allowed of Follyland. In cases of absolute necessity, photos will have to be touched up in PhotoShop by the relevant authorities. The reason being that we are too worried the originals might be used to embarrass Follyland in front of the international community. Tourists are however encouraged to memorise as many lovely stories as possible to tell the world about with respect to the lovely time they've had in Follyland. Specialist help is available locally as to possible lovely stories that may be memorised.

Social Conventions: Avoid getting yourself into trouble and trouble will avoid you. Don't strip in public, it is not considered funny around here. The provision and acceptance of hospitality are an important part of Follylaic culture. In the main cities, the urban population lives at a frantic pace much akin to Trollopian urban dwellers, but in the south and in rural areas people are much more open and friendly.

CLIMATE

The climate changes a lot but it is hot and dry in the south and humid by the coast. Follyland does not pay particular attention to weather because it just gets on with it. However, in times of snowfall or heavy rain, all activity is suspended and people stay at home and enjoy a bit of telly or a lie in. In summer, where temperatures can reach high degrees, Follylanders emigrate to the beach or confine themselves to their air-conditioned homes. Some might venture out by midnight or soon after. But the majority will stay at home and chase up irritating mosquitoes in a bid to help digestion before prostrating on the beautifully cool floor and imploring sleep to come.

Required Clothing: None. Just bring whatever you have, we're not fussy.

THINGS TO DO

There are loads of things to do, it depends how open you are to be persuaded. As a principle, Follyland leaves its tourists to do as they please and does not attempt to enforce or suggest a certain timetable of activities or a list of attractions to visit. The tourists are pretty much left to their own devices to trot across the country and admire how perfect it is in every possible way.

Cafes are available but as a rule of thumb they do not offer comfortable seating for fear of encouraging customers to spend the whole day sat there, thus preventing them from discovering Follyland and spending more money in it. Follylanders drink coffees standing up, which can make their legs go numb. Sometimes, if there is space available, they do some stretches to recover the use of their jammed legs before walking out of the cafe to face the unknown.

Nightlife: Non-existent. Follylanders value a good night sleep and are generally early birds. A variety of birds' morning songs can be enjoyed from just before sunrise throughout Follyland. An experience not to be missed.

Shopping: If you're interested in shopping then you'd better stay where you are and not come to Follyland as it would be an awfully long way to come for shopping. You should perhaps try to find somewhere closer to where you live.

FOOD & DRINK

Traditional Follylaic food shows the historic influences of a myriad tastes. It is very nutritious and tasty, making you realise how lovely life is. Follylanders enjoy cooking and eating in large groups while talking at the same time. They are multi-taskers who can do anything as long as they eat. The country's most popular drink is water, followed by fizzy drinks. Coffee is very loved also, especially when of ink-consistency.

The sale of mind-enhancing substances is not encouraged. That is why Follylanders are generally alert and have their wits about them in case some misfortune strikes, which is something that is not very unlikely considering Follyland's history.

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